I'm sitting here holding the sweetest 11 day old baby boy and feeling so very blessed. He wasn't due for another 6 days, but I'm so thankful he's been in our arms for 11 days now. Our family is in a state of exhausted bliss. I thought that while Ransom's birth is still fresh in my mind that I'd write it all out. This is going to be very long, so thanks if you stick it out. I mostly write these out for myself and for my kids to have one day.
So our original intention for this birth was to have an unmedicated birth and use the birth center attached to the hospital with our midwives. But I hit 36 weeks and 2 days and started having symptoms of cholestasis. Cholestasis is the liver disease I had when I was pregnant with Lyric. It can be very dangerous for baby if you go past 37 weeks, so they typically induce you by that point. I called my midwives and they had me come in immediately for lab work and a non-stress test to make sure our baby was still doing well. The thing with the test for cholestasis is that it takes a week to get back because of only a couple of labs in the country processing those tests. The plan was for me to have NSTs every 3 days until results came in, but even if my levels weren't super elevated, they would be inducing me by 39 weeks no matter what because it can take weeks for your levels to increase on the bloodwork, and they didn't want to risk the safety of our baby.
Well, a week after my bloodwork, the midwife called to check on my test results, and someone had canceled my lab order so my blood never got sent off to be tested. Things had been getting messed up at the hospital with all the Covid stuff that's happening. Needless to say, I was a wreck. Here I was, 37 weeks 2 days pregnant with all the symptoms of cholestasis not knowing if I had it for sure and knowing that each day our baby stayed in my womb could mean he was in danger. My midwife decided she wanted me to come into
the hospital the next day, Saturday, June 20th, to have another NST. So that's what I did.
While I was there, my midwife had been meeting with the OB that was on call and the high risk doctor to talk about my case. Ransom was passing all of his NSTs and was head down and had good fluid on each ultrasound. The doctors and midwives, after discussing my case, came in to talk to me. Keep in mind, Eric is home with the kids trying to finish a shed to have extra storage so we could have room for the new baby, and my parents weren't planning to be in town until Tuesday, June 23rd and they live 12 hours away. So here I am, at the hospital on June 20th and the midwives and doctors tell me they want to induce me that day because I most likely have cholestasis since I've had it in the past and we're already past the safety threshold. So while our baby is still healthy and doing well, they want to get him out before things turn south.
Cue a freak out moment for me. I was not expecting to be told I was going to be induced that day, my husband wasn't expecting it, my parents weren't expecting it. So I asked my midwife to give me a few hours to go home and help my husband pack up stuff for our kids and talk to our friend to see if she and her husband could keep our kids until my parents could get into town. This was about 2:30 or so in the afternoon and she told me to plan to be back at 7pm that night. So I got busy messaging my parents and our amazing friends. My parents started to pack up and head our way, and our friends so graciously and willingly took our older 3 kids for the night. And they loved our kids so well. Our kids had never stayed the night with anyone but our parents, and they were so well cared for by our friends and had the best time swimming, having a bonfire, and doing tractor rides at our friends' house. We are so blessed to have an amazing support system in our church family here in Michigan. We have felt so loved by them.
Anyway, Eric and I packed everything, got the new carseat installed, and dropped our kids off with our friends. We left their house, had a mini date in the car on the way to the hospital, stopping at Five Guys for dinner.
We got to the hospital a little after 7, got checked in at labor and delivery (I wouldn't be able to use the birth center since I was being induced) and got settled into our room. Our goal was still to have as natural of a labor as possible without an epidural if at all possible, but I was holding this plan with an open hand since an induction almost 3 weeks early would make things more challenging.
My midwife checked me to see what our starting point was. I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced with baby at -2 station, so not a bad place to start at 37 weeks 3 days. We discussed my options for induction and decided to start with the Cook's Catheter, basically a foley bulb, to see if this would get my labor started. This is how I was induced at 41 weeks with Kuyper, and the Foley bulb got my contractions started immediately. My midwife agreed to give me a couple of hours with the foley bulb to see what happened, and if I didn't start contractions we would discuss starting pitocin at the lowest dose. The cook's catheter was inserted at 8:40pm, and we began to wait.
During this time I had occasional contractions but nothing regular or painful. The biggest thing I struggled with during this time was my fears. I was feeling very emotional and scared that I was going to have the same induction experiences I'd had with Lyric and Kuyper. Kuyper's birth had somewhat traumatized me, and I'd really been working through those fears during this pregnancy, but starting off my induction with Ransom the same way we did with Kuyper was triggering all kinds of fears for me. My midwife came in at one point and talked through those with me. She encouraged me to spend time doing anything I could to relax and re-center my thoughts into a positive direction. Being in bed was causing me anxiety, so my nurse got a birthing ball out for me to allow me to get out of bed but still rest.
At this point, I got on the ball beside the bed and put in my headphones to listen to my Christian hypnobirthing tracks, mainly the Scriptures and positive affirmations. I did some of the breathing exercises as well and had Eric get my diffuser going with clary sage and lavender to have calming scents going, and Eric and I prayed together. I was able to get into a much better headspace and not feel so afraid. Sometime during these few hours, Eric and I watched an episode of Psych to try and get me laughing and keep my mind off things as well.
Somewhere around 11:30pm my midwife came in to discuss pitocin with me. I was scared to start it, but I also knew we needed to get baby out. So we agreed to start it on the lowest dose and we'd gradually increase it as needed. They started my pitocin, and I had consistent contractions start around midnight. The contractions weren't super painful, but they did come every 2-4 minutes, so that made it impossible to sleep. I labored on the birthing ball and while standing beside the bed trying to keep moving baby boy down. At some point during the night I was getting very tired and my nurse suggested laying in bed with a peanut ball between my legs to open up my pelvis but to also allow me to try and rest between contractions. I think I laid like this for about an hour total before I couldn't take it anymore. My legs weren't comfortable, and I hated being in the bed. So back to the birthing ball I went. We ended up raising my bed up high so I could lay my head on it and lean against it to try and sleep between contractions.
My contractions were getting more painful, but they were still really manageable with my deep breathing techniques and with Eric helping me to relax through massage, counter pressure, and just being close to me. I listened to my birth play-list that was filled with Psalms and worship music as well and that really helped keep me focused.
At 7am my midwives switched. The one who started my induction was actually a midwife I'd never met before, and I honestly struggled a bit with that. The midwife that came on at 7am, I had met with multiple times in the office and she'd always been so encouraging to me. I was so happy to see her, and I have to say, she was such an incredible support system to Eric and me during my labor. At 8:40 am she came back in to take out the Cook's catheter, it could stay in for up to 12 hours, and to check me to see what kind of progress I was making. At this point my pitocin had been increased multiple times, I think I was around 10 or 12 ml, and the max they put you on is 20. My contractions were stronger, but I was still coping really well.
So my midwife checked me at 9am, and I was at about 7cm. I was super encouraged by this because I was convinced I was only going to be 3 or 4 cm since the catheter wouldn't fall out on its own. My midwife then offered to do a strong membrane sweep to get things going more. And holy cow, this was the most intense sweep I've ever had, but it got things going more. Here's a TMI warning for the rest of my birth story for those who are grossed out by blood and such things. Lol. The membrane sweep strengthened my contractions, and I started to have a lot of bloody show. I was requiring Eric to do hip squeezes and counter-pressure on almost all my contractions at this point.
I decided I wanted to try laboring in water for relief; I was having consistent lower back pain and thought the water could really help. We chose to try the shower first, and the nurse came in to put a different monitor on me so I could be in the shower. I got in the shower, and I hated it. I was cold and shivering, even with the hot water on me and the pressure of the water just annoyed me. So I got out, and I asked my midwife if I could labor in the portable birthing pool they had.
My midwife checked on a few things and then she, Eric, and the nurse got the pool set up for me. During this time I was laboring on the birth ball and standing beside the bed. At times I labored on the toilet as well to help open my pelvis more and to relieve some pressure on my tailbone. The contractions while sitting on the toilet really sucked, but I also felt like they really helped. Once the pool had enough water in it, I got in and felt sweet relief. It helped my back pain so much. The contractions were still really painful, but the water really took the edge off. The only downside is I got hot. Eric got me ice chips and had a fan blowing on me, and that helped me for awhile. I eventually had to get out because I had to pee really bad and I needed to cool off. I was having a ton of bloody show at this point and really strong contractions. I labored on the toilet for a handful of contractions, then I got off and labored while standing beside our bed. Eric helped me with hip squeezes, gentle back rubs, and by letting me lean on him and sway with him. I decided I wanted to get back in the water for awhile, and I labored for probably another 30 mins or so in the pool. I kept getting super hot, so I decided to get out again.
I labored all over the room at this stage of labor. Sometimes on the toilet, sometimes on the ball, sometimes standing beside the bed or swaying with Eric. With each contraction, I would say in my mind, "relax, release, open." At one point the nurse came in to check my vitals or something and asked me how I was doing this because the pitocin was at an 18 and I wasn't screaming for an epidural like most women were at a much earlier stage with pitocin. I was just thinking, it's only the Lord because I didn't have any other explanation for how I was handling things so well. I was super exhausted and feeling like I couldn't keep going much longer.
I think the midwife came in around 1:30 or 2pm, and I was struggling and wanted her to check me because I was feeling more pressure and wanted to see if we were getting close. The midwife had been in the room at several points during my labor and she would do hip squeezes for me to give Eric a break and would lightly touch places I was holding tension to help me relax and release. She was honestly amazing and encouraged me so much. I would tell her how exhausted I was and how I wanted to be done, and she kept telling me she knew but that I was strong and doing amazing. I felt motivated to keep going because of her encouragement. My experience with her was night and day from the experience I had with my OB when I was in labor with Kuyper. Having a midwife who was so supportive of my birth plan and so helpful throughout the labor process was truly healing for me.
Sorry, I keep getting side tracked and this is turning into a book, but we're almost to the end. My midwife checked me and I was only at 8cm, and I felt so defeated. I'd only progressed 1cm in 5 hours of really tough and active labor. She told me she could feel my waters bulging and that she could break my water for me and that there was a good chance my labor would kick into high gear and be really intense but baby could come soon since I had so much pitocin built up in my system. When she did this, I'd been at a level 18 out of 20 with the pitocin for awhile. I agreed to her breaking my water because I just wanted our baby here.
Once she broke my water, things immediately got more intense. I got up and stood at the end of the bed and my contractions increased in intensity by 10 fold. The whole time I'd been laboring I was able to stay pretty quiet, just breathing deeply and moaning deeply on my exhalations to encourage baby down and my body to relax. I was no longer able to do this. My moans got louder and louder. Eric doing hip squeezes didn't help at all so I just shook my head for him to stop. I had about 3 or 4 contractions and I started to feel the need to push with each contraction. My midwife told me to push as I felt like I needed, which I already was because my body just did it automatically. This part, I found out later, was hard for Eric because he felt useless because in my past labors I was told when to push and he helped hold my legs. This time I just went with my body, which is what I'd wanted to do, but I think it was unexpected for Eric and he wasn't prepared for this part. I ended up getting up on the bed onto my hands and knees to push. I'll spare you some of the details, but needless to say things were gross and painful, lol. With each contraction, I was getting louder/screaming and saying I have to push. I didn't realize this at the time, but apparently nurses had called the room to make sure everything was okay in our room because I was being so loud. Oops, sorry to any laboring mothers I scared. It was all very primal, and I felt very out of control. I've never been a screamer during labor, and I had been doing so much preparation to have a calm labor and delivery, but I just couldn't help but scream. The pitocin made things so intense and Ransom descended so quickly. I began to feel the ring of fire each time I pushed, and it made me scream even more. I'd never felt it so intensely in my other labors because of having epidurals. I'd felt it some with Kuyper, but this was a whole other level of pain and intensity that I've never experienced. I was pushing so hard with each contraction and I could feel Ransom's head crowning but I couldn't get him out, the whole time screaming that it burns and just so badly wanting him out. I remember screaming, "Why won't he come out?!?!" My midwife and nurses encouraged me to flip over because they felt that I would be able to get baby out on the next contraction if I was in a different position. I said, I didn't know if I could flip over. I was out of my mind and couldn't think straight at all. My nurses helped me flip over and as soon as I was on my butt Ransom's head came out. His cord was wrapped around his neck, which really scared Eric because Ransom also wasn't crying. I couldn't think about anything but the relief I was feeling and then finished pushing Ransom's body out. My midwife immediately placed him on my chest, and I started bleeding very heavily. They increased my pitocin and were able to get in under control, but it was a very scary time for Eric, he told me this afterwards. His wife was covered in blood and his baby had his cord around his neck and wouldn't cry, so it was a bit traumatizing for him. Ransom was breathing and would make a little bit of noise and I just kept saying, "Thank you Jesus!" because I was so relieved to be done and have my baby on my chest. The nurse asked to check on Ransom since he wasn't crying and took him to the warmer to monitor him just to be safe. It turns out, his levels were all fine, he was just really chill and calm. Eric was able to go over and be with him while I got 2 stitches for a minor 1st degree tear and then my baby was able to come back to my chest for more skin to skin time.
My midwife joked with Eric and I afterwards that she'd see us again in about a year to have another child since we did so amazing with this childbirth. And we both laughed and said to maybe give us 2 years. I apologized for screaming so much at the end, and she kept saying I did so amazing and that she expected the screaming. I guess that's a pretty normal response when you have such a high dose of pitocin. I went from 8cm to our baby being born in about 30 minutes time. So while it was an insane 30 minutes, it was over quickly. My 15 hour labor was honestly very peaceful and went exactly how I wanted it to except for how crazy I was during the last 30 minutes. I felt really supported and loved by my husband and midwife. I felt so weak, but God gave me the strength to get through. It was all Him and nothing in me. I don't feel like more of a woman because I gave birth without an epidural this time. I think it's easy to give into pride when you're able to give birth without pain meds, but it truly wasn't me doing this in my own strength, it was all the Lord. His power is displayed in our weakness, and for that I'm so thankful. All in all, this labor experience was very healing for me after the experience we had with Kuyper's labor.
Now for the past 11 days, we've been loving on this sweet boy of ours, completely infatuated with him. His siblings adore him, and we're all pretty obsessed with him. Eric and I feel like we could have a million more babies after Ransom because he's just so precious. We are a very blessed family, and I'm so thankful God changed my heart about having more kids.
We didn't get many pictures during labor because it was just Eric and I in the room due to covid 19 restrictions, but Eric got a few on his phone, so I'll share some of those and some of our kids with Ransom since he was born.
No comments:
Post a Comment